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  The Secrets of Great Sex

  A Man’s Guide to Oral Sex

  Your guide to incredible, exhilarating, sensational sex

  Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

  Avon, Massachusetts

  Contents

  Introduction

  Our Intrigue with Oral Sex

  Just So We’re on the Same Page …

  Why She Loves Oral Sex

  Oral Sex Today

  Which Women Are Into It?

  Oral Sex and Intimacy

  The Importance of Oral Sex

  Sexual Anatomy: Passion-Inducing Parts

  Mapping Her Landscape

  What Happens When She Gets Hot and Horny

  Meet Your Tongue

  Naked Twister Gets Naughty: Positions for Oral Sex

  The Classic

  Starfish

  On Your Knees (a.k.a. Standing)

  Sitting

  Face-Sitting

  From Behind

  Sideways

  Wrap Around

  Plough Pose

  Bottoms Up!

  Soixante-Neuf “69”

  Erotic Furniture and Supports

  Taking Your Show on the Road

  Owning Your Pleasures: Assessing Any Issues

  Common Mistakes People Make

  The Need to Breathe

  Common Concerns for Both Genders

  Common Concerns for Her

  Is “Third Base” “Real” Sex?

  Sexual Abuse

  Overcoming Sexual Aversions to Oral Sex

  How to Receive Pleasure

  Health and Relationship Benefits

  Genital Perceptions: Attending to the Senses

  Genital Perceptions

  Passion Amidst Pubic Hair

  Smell: P.U. vs. Passion-Inducing

  Taste: Becoming a Fine-Dining Experience

  Be Supportive

  Sex Communication

  Talking about Oral Sex

  Initiating Oral Sex for the First Time

  Your Nonverbals

  Feedback

  Keeping Oral Sex Sexy

  Talking about Safer Sex

  Tools for Safer Oral Sex

  Talking about Your Sexual Health

  Deciding Your Oral Sex Rules

  Also Available

  Copyright Page

  Introduction

  The Secrets of Great Sex books are concise guides, focusing on only the essential information you need. Whether you’re looking for a new sex position to try, need advice about achieving real intimacy, or want to know how to please your partner, there’s a Secrets of Great Sex book for you!

  As George Michael once sang, “Sex is natural, sex is fun.” While both statements may be true, it may not always feel that way. Yes, sex is a natural, biological process as old as mankind, but for many people — especially those who are self-conscious in the bedroom — sex (good sex, at least) may not seem to come naturally. And if you are worried, anxious, self-conscious, or otherwise distracted, sex probably won’t be much fun, either.

  The good news is, great sex isn’t an impossible feat. In fact, it may be much more attainable than you may think. It may take a little bit of effort and perhaps a little practice (which will be fun, I promise!) but before you know it, your sex life will be better than you ever dreamed possible.

  The truth is, you probably already have the basic ingredients for a terrific sexual experience: desire, passion, primal urges, and a willing partner. Most likely, you are letting yourself get way too hung up on technique (or your perceived lack thereof) and how you insert Tab A into Slot B. Fortunately, that’s stuff you can easily learn, if you have the motivation and dedication. And, since you’ve made the effort to pick up this book, I’m assuming you are indeed eager to learn. That’s half the battle.

  Exploring and learning about our sexual nature comes easily to some people and seems challenging to many others. We aren’t taught much about sex unless we were lucky enough to have parents who weren’t afraid to talk about it. Young people learn about sex from their peers or from experimentation. The older a person gets before he has experienced some kind of sexual encounter, the more ill-equipped that person will feel upon actually entering a sexual relationship.

  When we feel well informed, practiced, and excited about sex, it becomes an awesome experience. We are born with all the right equipment for sex. What we need is a sort of an “owner’s manual” — a guide to help us learn, give us ideas with which to experiment, and supply the guidelines to let us know that we are on the right track.

  Every couple and every sexual encounter a couple has is unique. It may not feel that way to you right now, but, as you begin to learn more about your sexual nature, you will begin to observe the differences each time you make love. By doing this you will have a basis from which to expand even further. Becoming conscious — but not self-conscious — while having sex is the key to having each separate experience feel new, exciting, and creative.

  Each one of us is responsible for our own sexual happiness. It isn’t our lover’s responsibility, though it is wonderful if we feel partnered with someone who wants to have sexual happiness, too. The Secrets of Great Sex series is designed with the goal of giving you every tool necessary to have a complete, satisfying, expansive sexual and sensual experience.

  These guides will inform you for many years to come and provide the insight and knowledge you need for a future of great sex. A long life, a healthy life, a happy life, and a great sex life all go together!

  If you’d like to learn more about great sex, check out The Everything® Great Sex Book, 2nd Edition, available in print (978-1-4405-0148-7) and eBook (978-1-4405-0149-4) formats.

  Our Intrigue with Oral Sex

  Muff diving, eating someone out, going down, poon job … . The slang terms and euphemisms for oral sex on a female are very creative, often quite comical, and — in the very least — numerous. They speak volumes as to the obsession we humans have with the mouth going South when fooling around with a partner. Google oral sex and 12,300,000 pages come up for that term alone. People around the world are intrigued with the eroticism involved in giving the genitals a slip of the tongue and more. To say we’re orally fixated is an understatement.

  Just So We’re on the Same Page …

  Performing oral sex is a universal sexual experience enjoyed by millions as a part of foreplay, as a part of afterplay (that lovely, intimate, coming down period following sexual intercourse), or as the main sex event. In those racy trysts involving more than two sexual partners, it can be experienced during sexual intercourse. In any case, oral-genital contact, more commonly known as oral sex involves giving or receiving pleasure delivered to a person’s sexual organs primarily via the lips and tongue. This is typically done in a rhythmic licking or sucking fashion using one’s mouth, though any number of techniques can be employed, as we’ll cover in-depth throughout this book.

  Cunnilingus, from th
e Latin cunnus (vulva) and lingere (to lick), is the technical term for orally stimulating a female’s genitals. Action typically focuses on her clitoris, the inner and outer lips, and vaginal opening. Analingus, also known as rimming, a rim job, ass licking, eating ass, or tossing salad, refers to oral-anal contact. Anal-oral sex may be a part of cunnilingus or the sole event of a sex session.

  Now while some of the names used for oral sex may sound technical, depending on whom you’re talking to, these types of sexual exchanges can be quite titillating. Given that eating her out is a highly effective erotic technique, it has held rapture for humans throughout the ages. The rimming bit — which we’ll cover here and there throughout — is more of a, shall we say, acquired taste, but a delectable one for those into it. Whether shared as a sacred act of partner worship, sought for its scintillating sensations, or pursued as a prime opportunity to get down and dirty, any of these oral adventures is the favorite kind of sex to be had for a number of lovers for a number of reasons.

  Why She Loves Oral Sex

  Many women love receiving oral sex not only because getting the “ultimate kiss” feels incredible, but she has learned that it’s critical to her orgasm as well. Some women are only able to climax from having someone go down on them since the clitoris, the hub of women’s pleasure, receives so much attention during the oral act. Others need oral sex, and the orgasm from cunnilingus, to reach climax during intercourse. In many cases, a female’s orgasm from cunnilingus is fast, relaxing, and healing. It’s an aphrodisiac on a psychological level, and this most intimate of sex play often makes women feel desired, respected, and appreciated.

  Rolls off the Tongue

  “Oral sex is the cream on the cake as far as sexual experiences for me. It makes me cum like nothing else both while my partner is going down on me, then later during intercourse. I have a tough time reaching climax in any other way. But I’m not complaining since, hands down, oral sex from a skilled lover is absolutely divine.” —Michelle

  Pleasure from Power

  The ego trip from the power element alone in getting head can be intoxicating for her. Being the object of a partner’s devotion only adds to the adoration she has for oral. With her dream lover between her legs, how can she help but not get caught up in the high of being serviced or pleasured?! She has let someone get up close and personal in her most private space, and that person — you — is going to town, lost in the mission of maximizing her pleasure. This only gets hotter when she glances down at what’s going on between her legs. The mere visual stimulation that comes from seeing (and imagining in her off-time) your head bobbing, drunk with desire, can be highly arousing.

  Of course, let’s not forget the power trip in this exchange for you and the elation that comes along with being the giver. While often cast as the submissive in being the provider, you’re not. You’re actually the partner in charge. In getting the green light to go down, you’ve been granted VIP access to your partner’s prime hot spots. Her pleasuring is in your hands. You control your hottie’s sexual destiny (at least for the moment) in commanding the action — all with the best seat in the house.

  So take a moment as you’re working away to get turned on by seeing your gal become sexually excited, an experience made even sweeter when the object of your affection hits heaven. She may not be in that alone. As giver, you can thrive on your own “mental orgasm” in knowing that she is thoroughly enjoying your efforts. You created the moment necessary for sexual release, and that can be incredibly fulfilling.

  Fact

  Despite its mass popularity, believe it or not, oral sex is on the books as illegal in some states, like Indiana. Getting caught engaging in these “acts against nature,” even when consensual and with another adult, can mean can getting fined and imprisoned for up to one year in states classifying oral sex as a felony. So for those of you dead set on breaking the law, let this bad-ass bit fuel hotter oral. After all, such restrictions and concerns have helped to fetishize oral sex over the ages and have turned it into a mystical ecstasy of sorts — and all the more desirable. So for those of you who can legally have cunnilingus, stoke the same thrills by pretending you’re doing it in Indiana.

  Oral Sex Today

  Since the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, the United States has seen a growing acceptance of oral sex. More popular than ever, it is widely practiced today, with the increase in mouth-genital techniques seen as one of the most dramatic changes in marital sex alone in the past fifty years. Whereas a generation ago, oral sex was seen as a shameful taboo, such sex play has become an acceptable behavior. That’s not to say, however, that it doesn’t still pose controversy. As recently as 2010, dictionaries were removed from southern California classrooms after a parent complained that a child could read the definition for the term oral sex. The school district responded by pulling Merriam Webster’s Tenth Edition from shelves for fear of being too “sexually graphic” and inappropriate for certain age groups. Despite regularly ruffling feathers, oral sex has become regarded more and more as an important and healthy component of one’s sexual self.

  While not as widely practiced as other types of sexual deeds, oral sex is a very common practice. If any hesitancy you have in engaging in oral comes down to safety in numbers, rest assured. Various studies show that such sexual behaviors are practiced by the majority of people, with about 90 percent of men and women ages 25-44 reporting having engaged in oral sex as givers or receivers!

  For that, we should perhaps be thanking the media for plugging oral sex. It’s hard not to notice that giving the ultimate in oral sex tips are regular headliners and features in online and hardcopy media outlets alike. This eagerness for anything oral has, however, perpetuated some of the myths and misconceptions tackled in this book. All this attention feeds many of the stereotypes swirling around oral sex when it comes to gender differences. Articles for men tend to detach oral sex for either partner from the emotional side of the relationship; women’s articles tend to treat oral sex as something done to enhance relationship intimacy. For him, it’s cast as an experience in and of itself, requiring none of the niceties or symbolism it supposedly does for her. While there is some truth in some generalities, buyer beware! In enjoying such articles, you need to be mindful about the messages you’re getting, recognizing how the media may be influencing your thoughts, her expectations, and your practices around such pleasuring.

  Which Women Are Into It?

  A far cry from previous generations, many women today have become enthusiastic about letting men go downtown. A much larger percentage of women under 50, compared to those over 50, have ever given or received oral sex in their lifetime.

  Studies involving college women have found that attractive women are much likelier to engage in oral sex and other sexual acts, including woman-on-top position. Researchers believe that this could be because of the expectations these women put on themselves, the more frequent opportunities they have to engage in such sex play, or simply because they feel a sense of sexual power in being beauties. Still, even more recent research has found that the vast majority of women are engaging in some type of oral sex or another, with most young women engaging in these activities because they enjoy them.

  Fact

  When it comes to ethnic differences, the National Social Life, Health, and Aging Project found that white women are about 30 percent likelier to give or receive oral sex than are African Americans, with Latinas falling midway between the two groups.

  Why Being a Brainiac Is Sexy

  Investigations on who has done what orally have revealed that one’s education, which is often related to one’s social class, is a factor. The majority of people in the United States who don’t engage in oral sex are in the lowest educational groups. The higher one’s education level, the likelier it is that he or she is engaging in oral sex. Men who don’t graduate from high school are less likely to have perfo
rmed oral sex than men who are better educated.

  Women who have attended college are twice as likely to report giving and receiving oral sex than those women who didn’t complete high school. Only 41 percent of women with less than high school diplomas have performed oral sex on a man, while only 49 percent have been the recipient of cunnilingus. Compare this to the 80 percent of women with at least some college education who have experienced either.

  The women’s liberation movement, reproductive rights, and support in exploring their sexuality are among the reasons believed to impact a female’s sexual practices to a certain extent. Women engaged in these social movements tend to be more educated and more aware. They also tend to be more accomplished in some ways, like their level of educational attainment. Educated girls, it seems, are more likely to diversify their sexual repertoire between the sheets. No wonder it pays to stay in school!

  Question

  Are humans the only species on earth that engage in oral sex?

  No, animals may engage in oral-genital stimulation, especially when the female is in estrue (heat). During this rare time of year, a male may lick her genitals in response to pheromones she’s giving off.

  Oral Sex and Intimacy

  Oral sex can be a very personal, intimate sexual experience for some people and no big deal to others. For some people, oral exchanges are reserved for partners whom they feel really close to. They may regard oral intimacies as a marker of how lovers feel about each other sexually and emotionally, making a relationship all the more exclusive. For others, it’s a staple part of every sexual affair, a cheap thrill handled with indifference. In a number of cases, the degree of intimacy can come down to the situation and with whom you’re exchanging lip service.